I remember the first time I read the book The Road Less Traveled, and one of the first lines is “Life is Difficult”. Now I maybe a practical psychic, but personally I like to see the glass half full. So for a long time, in my own distorted thinking, I would have rather ignored that, the responsibility and buried my head.
23 year ago I had to face and recover from all of the rebellion and disease of my life. I began to learn the hard way why struggle and difficulty can be the door that unlocks joy. With a healthier life people and animals are included in your life. At least for me they were. Once you bring in them in, you are not in control anymore.
How can you control your sister getting cancer? Or losing your beloved dog or your husband leaving you for someone else? You cannot control life. Everything that feels painful and difficult in your life can be used for the good, your good. You may need a new pair of glasses to see it that way.
The first thing you need to do is surrender to the facts at hand. It is called acceptance. Sometimes I simply hate having to accept things I want to be different. It is a key to unlocking the healing you need to cope.
Prayer is the process by which you bring in the divine healing energy into your life. It allows you to ask for help. Whether you have a great relationship with your God and guides, or you don’t even believe it can still work. All you need is the open mind that says I can’t do this, maybe you can help, and I will allow it. Suspend your “I don’t believe” thoughts, just for now. Sometimes it is harder for those who think they know God or their guides. They ask how this could have happened when I read it so differently. It did and now you need their help.
Next take responsibility for yourself and your own actions. Feelings are feelings, they are not intuition, and they are not facts. If you are ever confused about the concept of feelings being intuition there is a way to tell the difference. Intuition is that still small voice. Feelings are loud, and want to take charge of your life. So get up and do the next right thing in front of you. If it is paying the electric bill, do that. Do not sit still and do nothing.
Get support. I don’t care if it is online or by the phone get some help. We are not meant to be alone. If you have to volunteer to be around people do that. Do not isolate yourself. God will bring at least one or two people that will show up in some form. They are not always the people you want them to be or in the way you want them, but they will be there.
Remember to be patient with yourself. Healing from loss or betrayal takes time, so if you are not up to speed, or you are slightly bitter or angry, give it time. I know that is not a quick fix or cool like our culture wants, but it is the truth anyway. As long as you are showing up doing what you need to, and talking to someone it will gradually improve. You will eventually heal.
The last is the hardest, forgive. Forgive yourself for being stuck, not being the best mother, wife, employee. No one is. We are human. Forgive him or her for leaving. Their leaving may lead you into a better life, a better relationship. Everything happens for a reason. That does not require you being friends with someone who hurt or damaged your life. It requires you finding a way to let it go, and accepting the situation the way it is. He is human, pets don’t live that long and life will always bring hardship and immense joy.
Many people turn tragedy into something positive, like the mother whose child died and caused her to create MADD. There are countless stories about people translating their grief into something positive. Megan’s Law came about because of the horrible murder of a little girl named Megan Kanka. It now provides information to parents regarding sexual predators in their neighborhood. Even if your story is that you are just coping, it is enough. With patience it will improve. Time takes time. You will grieve your lost dog and probably eventually get a new one. It will never replace your loss, but it will bring renewed hope. The same is true about love. You will find love again. Clichés are clichés for a reason they are true. So with that my last cliché is that when you face loss, hurt and pain. It is not what happens that counts, but what you do with it. My suggestion is you heal and love again.